A PERSONAL JOURNEY (by Lylliann Falcconn)

I want to share my thoughts on what being a submissive woman means to me, where it has taken me.

I, like so many women I have met, spent a good many years feeling like something was missing in their lives. I had experienced some "kink" in many of my relationships, but never took it any deeper. Until I ran head first into the man I now call Master. When he and I first met, there was no open talk about D/s, but I was very aware from the start that he needed direct influence in my life. That this was just something that was a part of him. I know at times I struggled with it, mainly because I had grown up believing that as a woman I was to always be strong, independent...not need anyone, nor let anyone have that kind of influence over me. But the truth was, it felt right.

It was natural, and it was little things. Like his getting me to go to bed at the same time every night, whether I wanted to or not. (How does he do that??) Then it was his asking me what I had eaten for dinner, lunch. A look of displeasure if I told him, I had not eaten anything. There was nothing openly discussed, but I found myself eating, just because I hated that look, and decided that if eating would make him happy...I would eat. Over the course of the next months, he slowly took control of our sexual lives as well. He let me know what he wanted, and I found myself responding. Saying or doing things that embarrassed me to no end, but still doing them...it was almost like I didn't have a choice.

There was also the communication, with this man I learned to talk, to share the things in my mind. That even if I was feeling embarrassed, that it was ok, I could still tell him. It seemed only natural that he became my Master. He took his time at first, making sure I fully knew what being his slave meant, to him and myself. Gave me time to really find out if this was indeed what I wanted. It was, it is. I freely surrender my will to this man, knowing he will not abuse it, but only guide me further and further. With his ownership came a whole new type of love.

And it's funny, but it's almost as if "ownership" has become an emotion as well. Don't get me wrong, it's not all easy, there are many times it is very hard to give up those things that he asks of me. Sometimes we have to take things slow, slowly work passed reactance to acceptance. But I wouldn't give up being slave to this man for anything. With him I am free, I'm liberated to become more than I ever thought possible. There are hard spots, sure, sometimes we argue over them, I may start feeling distress, but I'm lucky in that he accepts who I am, for the woman I am, with all the complexities and "difficulties" that entails.

I do not think this life is for everyone, but if you have ever felt a desire to just let go, to allow someone to have power over you, even if it's just for a short time, it can be one of the most rewarding things you will ever do. Yes, it can be scary, yes it can be hard...but as is the case in much of life, the things worth having, the things you appreciate the most, are those very things you worked for.